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What is a ‘Funeral
Services, Celebrant’ and what do they do?
They listen!
Firstly to the funeral arranger’s
directions, as regards the bereaved family’s circumstances, instructions,
and requests.
Secondly, and perhaps more importantly,
to the bereaved family. What do they want said, who else would like to
speak as part of the service, either the eulogy or perhaps some verse or
even just one story, sad or amusing about the deceased.
And some of the questions I have been
asked, “What do you say?” and “We want to see what you are going to say”.
I reply to the bereaved…. I say what you are unable, due to your grief, to
say. I will speak the words that you wish spoken. And to the second
concern, I answer… Of course, you want to see what will be said; I will
put together a service based on your requests, words you have spoken about
your loved one, and the events you have related about their life. I will
contact you in some manner with the completed service, prior to the day of
the funeral, at which time I would ask that you check, the spelling of any
names to be written, also the sequence of events in your loved one’s life.
And that the times and places have been recorded accurately. I may even
ask about the overall feeling of the words written. Do they convey the
right mixture of honour, love, regard, humour, hope and personal
significance?
Once all of these concerns have been
addressed I will finalise the service, and if necessary resend it to you
in its finished form. If there is a certain amount of co-ordination for
the ceremony, for example a guard of honour by the great-grandchildren
that will require some direction on the day, I will oversee that aspect
for you. And of course any other symbolic gestures that are requested will
be thoroughly co-ordinated as well.
Whenever possible I
will approach you all immediately upon seeing you arrive at the cemetery
and might check if there have been any last minute developments, for
example a last minute interstate, family or friend attendee that you may
wish to acknowledge, or a change to the address of any after service
refreshments being offered. These last minute details will
be, whenever possible, rectified. Other
practical details of the service will also be discussed at the initial get
together. Things like, where will we be seated? Can we all sit together?
Will there be an opportunity to place a floral tribute during the service?
Do we have to see the coffin descend/retreat from view? What happens at
the end of the service?
The answers to these questions are in
order. The front row of seats is usually where the immediate family sit.
And you may all sit together across them. If there is an honour guard
(great-grandchildren) or immediate family who have participated in the
pall bearing duties, their seating will have been discussed and spaces
allowed for them. An opportunity to place a floral tribute can be placed
within the “reflection’ aspect of the ceremony. And no, there is no need
to see the coffin move out of sight. This can and will be performed by
myself and the funeral directors staff after you have all made your way
through to the lounge area. Please allow that this will take a few
minutes, in respect to my initial absence from the lounge area. And to the
final question, if you don’t request otherwise, I will approach you and
offer my comfort, at which time I will ask that you consider that the
other attendee’s will be waiting for you to precede them from the chapel
area. You may take your time to listen to the final music chosen, before
you move to the lounge area. However, due to time restraints this may have
to be only a short time period. I will advise at that time.
I offer my presence as part of my duty of
care to you during the time you and your family and friends spend in the
lounge area. My presence is discreet, but I am available to all of your
attendee’s if they wish to speak to me. My final self imposed duty is to
see you to your vehicle and I will wait for you to depart, before I
proceed to my next commitment.
All of the above details, aspects etc…
are what you should always receive at this most challenging time.
My personal ethos is to ensure that you
are all informed, comforted, and honoured, so that this; while obviously a
time of bereavement, can be a time of compassion, respect and concern for
all.
All bereaved families receive a single,
full colour, bound, copy of the service.
It has been a privilege and an honour to
have presided over your loved one’s funeral service.
Sue
In memory
of my beloved Mother, Hazel Stevens.
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For the Love of Roses
We held so close our Mothers heart
So carefully, and softly as in a rose's bloom,
She spoke to us of life and love
And hope, like sweet perfume.
The rose 'tis such a pretty flower,
Many colour's many hue's
And Mum did try to show us all
Fear not my loves, see through.
Her garden was her pride and joy
To feed and nurture, not a chore
her beautiful roses reflected her life,
So enduring, prickly, but give me more.
And like an overgrown rose,
When life her soul did prune
Shook of her sorrows, shook off her woes,
And did spring back, so strong, so soon.
And softly she did leave us
Like the petals from the rose that fall
Gently and oh so tenderly,
As she bid us goodbye, and goodbye to us all.
We never will forget her smile
Her beloved face, her words of care:
Live full your lives, my children
Live on, and your love do share.
Sue Henthorn 11.04.2004
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A.M.C.
